coming back

Fallen out of the course, without an exact route to go ahead... 

Sometimes, we will understand the real need to be like that only after has past some time, in its season... in due course. Whether this is good or not, I don't know right now. However, I am conscious of it is really necessary.
   
I am so sorry to had left this my personal project… Despite to had set aside my skill to write and show my point of view about many things that are happening around me for a long period, now is time to restart - again and over! This excites me to go on, hard-set.

For sure: a small step back now leading me to two steps forward later!

more than words

“Melhor que o livro em si, são as suas dedicatórias” - Yes, I hit the nail on the head! Wow... Actually, I already knew that… ('cause I think the same way!) So...

On the first page, something like that:

Ik ben eindelijk iemand tegen gekomen voor wie dat boek echt logisch is. Vertel me later hoe de reis was! Liefs.

It’s just my (best) way to say ‘Thank you’, and the rest... well, is everything that I have taken with me, and is still here… (I always knew that I will feel something special) This kind of sentiment is difficult to change inside us, besides, it just happens - "unintentionally" and with "no" reason and intention to be bad, or harmful for anybody!

About the book (and not the affection), it is true: for the first time in my life I gave it for the correct person. Nevertheless, it was (better: IS!) more than a simple (another "Budhist") gift…

I believe that both this philosophy and the proposed inquiry of values come in a good occasion, aswell the challenge of being zen(ner) is wonderful - and necessary, inclusively! A reflection about our lives, how we are conducting it by our acts and thoughts is vital! Moreover, it also helps us to be a better person.

It was just a friendly kindness, but could be (even) more… maybe a Thai massage, with whole feminine vanity and everything else! At any rate, I hope it works! After all, I’m constant.

At the right time, I will write about this incredible trip. Await!

*(So do I… written words - in the old school way of course ;)

desires, memories and melancholy

I would like to go upstairs and see all the city (or a large part of) through its roofs. I always think about that, the landscape and thoughts by this point of view… the outlooks.  It's a possibility to get a breath of fresh air (and equally old and historical). “Telhados de Paris”, a Nei Lisboa’s song outlines some idea about that. 

So, when I saw the ‘Blue Roofs’, a Picasso’s painting, in Van Gogh Museum (Picasso in Paris 1900-1907 exhibition – until May there), this intention was brought to the light, more than ever. It results in a fantasy... It's a real illusion, only mine. When I was there, in Paris, last year, I simply didn't realize that I could put into practice this dream. However I asked for, in Amsterdam (in vain...) Silly girl...

                                                          

(nem tudo azul)

Sometimes, the unpreparedness leads us to this way… Changing the subject, I remembered, both seeing that shadowy images from his melancholy Blue Period and reading about its stories, the Broadway musical ‘Spring Awakening’, an rock adaptation of the controversial 1891 German play of the same title.

Carlos Casagemas, a Spanish painter aswell, moved to Paris in the same period of his friend, Picasso. In 1901, he killed himself with a shot in the head when he was only 21 years old as a consequence of an unanswered love. This unsuccessful affair drove him crazy (literally).

Notably, the beginning of 18th century was distinguished by this youth behavior. Their immaturity gave rise to some unhappiness which brought about these damages to the society of that period. In the teen ages being as an infant and after that, immediately becoming a mister… with all responsabilities and the burden of it on their back. It used to be too severe for everyone.

                                                         

Museums – a cultural trip around important subjects of our History. I really appreciate it!

Picasso in Paris 1900-1907 exhibition

18 February - 29 May 2011

Van Gogh Museum

Museumplein - Paulus Potterstraat 7 

Daily from 10am to 6pm

Adults: € 14
0-17 years: free (a valid ID may be requested)

*My tip is going on Friday Nights – in these occasions the museum in open until 10pm.

Besides the free guided tours around the exhibition (and also for the permanent one - unlosable!) – in English and Dutch, there is always something special going on: lounge chairs, video projections, live music, DJs and a bar to relax and enjoy it even more (better if in a special company - of course!).

graced

I’m blessed.

In fact, I always knew that it will snow!

For me, it is a kind of gift - special one.

Despite of being pretty cold and the slipping floor makes me almost miss one’s footing, I simply don’t care. I’m amazed.

It’s a marvellous grace.

not completely

In spite of being frustrated because I haven’t saw the lakes totally frozen (and still haven't ice skated on them, inclusively!), I’m quite satisfied. I have felt in these last days the nature power through its transformation of this season and its preparation for the next one.

It’s a magic process.

I’m sure that will be integrally done next time - not only about that... At last, it's something more complexed than the ducks habitat - unfortunately, did by halves yet.

Next cicle (time/round): I'm ready for it!

holy grazing TV

I’m going to write this post in Portuguese due to my indignation and frustration.

Eu venho lá do Brasil para chegar aqui na Europa e assistir TV na minha língua? Na boa, preferia estar treinando o meu inglês, vendo a programação internacional - afinal, são uns 300 canais! Mas não… Dia e noite é só sermão de pastor, programas de baixa qualidade (infelizmente, porque dá para ver que o investimento é grande) e produtos de uma imprensa marrom: SÓ DESGRAÇA!

Essa é a Record Internacional - presente fulltime na minha vida atual.

Reclamo MUITO enquanto assisto! Chego a ser chata, admito. Mas é impossível ser diferente diante o que vejo. Não estudei para ficar vendo merda. Não consigo. Fico triste em vivenciar uma substimação e degradação da capacidade intelectual do público espectador brasileiro que mora no exterior. E isso nada tem a ver com crenças religiosas.

Poderia ser melhor (vi que posso inclusive trabalhar para eles sem problemas algum! Nada do que eles fazem é estranho ou difícil a mim), mas não é. Estando for a, o quadro fica ainda pior porque o nível das propagandas e dos programas gringos, por exemplo, é infinitamente superior ao nosso. Tenho tentado subverter o “sistema” instaurado onde eu moro, para ver uma programação digna.

Mas o pior: eles gostam! - sem se questionar sobre o que assistem diariamente.

A mula ruge… os burros, não (forte, mas é verdade!).

¡olè!

Josep Guardiola - my new excuse (ops! REASON) to watch the Barça games from now on.

Stupid! I found with almost one month delayed the best place for a Happy Hour on Wednesday... (*Dank je wel, Rafatje!)

As of now, my best programming for these nights will be going to a European typical Pub to watch the games of Champions League on television. Actually, doesn’t matter the teams which are be playing. Whichever game it will be passing on TV, will be interesting due to the masculine  (en mooi) audience.

Perfect: I like both football and going out, as well as drink some beer and see people… but mainly to KNOW the new ones. It will be a good opportunity to make (boy)friends - Spanish, English, Italian, and why not also Dutch? I’m not xenophobic at all…  

no-hair-heads driving me crazy

I should be honest… Here, in Europe, most part of guys that attract me is bald.

Nothing against the blond hair of who has it… nor the rood ones (Indeed, I like it!. However, it has just happened often!). I’ve met lots of Bens and Bruces… and now, I discovered him: Guardiola, my bald momentary icon - who used to be brunette ,  contradicting my european statistics - but I simply don't care about that!

¡olè! 

strict european way of life

Next month, or in a week’s time - It is when Dutch people can see you again and book a meeting, dinner, to have a drink or whatever! From now until their schedule has finished (all appointments booked before this exact moment), it wont be possible being included in their lives.

Perhaps this happens because they were not awaiting for this new situation. However, if today their programming was looking for it (dating someone, for example), probably they’ll put you as a priority in their agenda. A typical rational European behaviour…

It’s so strange for us, latins, who, alternatively, when meet somebody (special) change the plans ever since. As soon as possible, we are going to invite this person to take part of our lives’ programming - if be worthwhile, of course! Ah, if it were as simple as that with them too... I think they may be happier, to be astounded more naturally and could laugh a whole lot more of life's surprisings, or, at least, take things easy (to others - more flexible, like me...)!

Finally, we are REALLY more easygoing… not only this, but also emotional (then, I admit that I enjoy this our way of being). I swear that I wont to fuck only on the day set, or have to schedule (at least) 'this'! [PLEASE...!] I just want to change my mind according to the events, people and anything else that happens in my life (besides someone who thinks on his feet and  juggles to be with me, by my side).

winter environment

- Look there! What are those black points on the water?

“Ducks!”, he answered me smiling… So I looked at them again, very impressed by their facility in stay at the same place, fluctuating, even with the gale which had wind-bounded us, letting everybody when in the wind‘s eyes almost without can walk many times during the better part of a day (and night).

Indeed, I could never imagine that I would find many animals so close where I’m living… I always thought that in Europe everything related to nature (the weather and its creatures inclusively!) were a little grey and dead… Well, I was completely wrong!

Everyday, when I go out home I see on the grassy spaces between the buildings in my neighbourhood some small groups of hares. Furthermore, uncountable species of ducks... green, black and white ones, besides other waterfowls - in most part of them, are adorning the cold landscape. 

In contrast of many cockroachs, rats, pigeons and bats that I was used to find near my house in Rio, here, in Amsterdam, I've seen flights of sea-gulls, storks, herons, gooses, and also flocks of tropical cocotas. Increadible! - I'm really surprised about that in particular due to the adverse weather... 

(*Ok, I know that there are many species of beautiful animals inhabiting Rio. However, in Laranjeiras is not common see crocodiles, fishs, many monkeys and birds! In different places, maybe you can meet them easily, but not there...)

as teddy-bears

Another type of animal we can meet often here, in the North Europe, is a kind of domestic bear. Actually, this low-temperature season usually results in people's behaviour changes (we practically became it!) - almost hibernating... sleeping and eating a lot (besides sometimes wearing heavy furry clothes). As the teddy ones, we rest on the bed most part of time (that we can!).

On the other hand, there is always someone 'bearlike', who is changed into a gruff person as a consequence of having its heart freezed - of course, this last one, isn’t my case INDEED.

too bad to be true

Could be the saints people from the evil?

Well, it’s a theory. Actually, nothing is ‘IMPOSSIBLE’… and (as someone that I know used to say…) nothing is also too extreme! However, I (and it’s my OWN opinion) don’t think so.

Perhaps It could be something cultural for me,more than religious itself. My family always worship them. I grew up going to different churches and believing that they can help us. In particular, Anthony Saint, whose name my uncles have as their second names.

Secondly, it is Saint Teresa, and the 'Terezinha' of my mother isn’t at random. It used to be a Conti’s tradition. Fortunately, my mother decided to finish with this custom. Thus, me and my sister were free of this interesting composition in our names.

Moreover, I’ve had lots of proofs that they are good - or were… when they lived - doesn’t matter! I believe that since they have done goodness around the world, they were God’s agents sent to be here, with us, proclaiming His words.

Since they used to live in accordance with it, I don’t believe they could be bad… Ok, they were not as Jesus was, but were also important with their graces. The devil simply doesn’t have all this power and good will. For sure, his envoys are others…

the bright side of everything

Sunny days - I can use only one of my hands to count them with my fingers… Even so, it is going to be left over!

Now I begin to understand the depression of North European people, who feels only few times not only the sun energy, but also the power of the its rays.

I admit that I usually try to chose the sunny walkside to go on the dutch kanaals. It’s important for me receive a little of this to get some energy, at least. Habituated with it, Brazilians (like me) miss the usual sunshowers on the beach. 

Probably, the cold mood of these people might change when is summer and the wheater is warmer... I guess.

Another curious (and tiring) matter is that the days are very short here. Only From 8 to 5pm is bright day - when the sun appears, of course. As a consequence, 3pm is already (unfortunately) the end of the afternoon!

Many business are closed (or ‘gesloten’ - as could be seen when someone tries to go somewhere after 17h) so early. It is different for us, who in Brazil are used to find many places open until 20h, or later - until the last costumer.

This is the European way of life: relaxing time after lunch, shops, drugstores and supermarkets closed at 6 pm (or five minutes before, just to guarantee no one working more than is agreed!). Fair!

a good market

Euro Shopper - my new dutch friend!

It’s a special Albert Keijn brand which sales more for less… by low prices - actually, the best ones. Similar to Qualitá, in Rio, that belongs to Pão de Açúcar Group, is as well as cheaper than the others. 

Now, although I just moved from Rio to Amsterdam, my household skills remain the same. Thus, I am still used  to go to the supermarket during the week, or on the weekends, to buy everything necessary to live here. As I’m not rich (unfortunately), I’m often looking for the best bargains in Albert Heijn, Lidl, Dirk, and in drugstores too, such as Kruidvat, Etos… or wherever!

Then, I always leave there singing, satisfied for paying 'banana's price' (the Brazilians, of course!).

mona

(and ‘Lisa’ - with Portuguese meaning).

A courageous and beautiful Iranian - my “dutch” muse.

I confess I was admired at first glance. I enjoyed to know her chiefly in reason of she was not used to wear the hijab. Anything else would be unsuccessfully as so to attract me.

Her long and black hair expressed and reflected as weel all her femininity. Seeing that, I wondered myself about which motives were involved, not hidden under their kerchief anymore.

not disguised

Since I’m a leftist, I’ve been contrary of any social imposition form. Any kind of oppressiveness upsets me. With ‘gender’ it won't be different... even in another culture.

My first question to her when I knew where she was born was not about women's situation there: Did you are there during the manifestations against Ahmadinejad last year? Yes, she was in Tehran.

Not satisfied, a second: It was exactly as they have shown on television? Worse - she said, telling me more about how cruel it was. Then, we became friends.

Probably, nobody there was curious (as me) to get to know more about that.

glide dream

It’s a silly situation, but I’ve always dreamed with the day I would ice skating outdoor. Though, it hasn’t been on a natural ring yet - on some frozen canal of Amsterdam (something I will someday!).

Since I was a child, I’ve enjoyed to practically fluctuate on ice, while my thoughts go so far, quicker than my legs… Terrific! I’m loving it. Thanks Rafa, for this special night moment. 

Another magic one…

keep walking

Each day having to choose a different way to go ahead, or turning corners… It’s delicious explore new streets, cross over bridges - be it walking, riding a bike, by tram or boat... whatever! Come what may, in any case, being in Amsterdam, is a terrific experience.

One thing that inspires me while living here (mainly due to the distance from the “suburb” to downtown - more than 5km!) is discover the city, every little detail of that.  I've walked astonished at the circumstances... as if I could find my happiness everywhere!

I'm sure I could indeed! It's only a mere matter of time...

free to go wherever I want

Here, I feel myself free to walk around without any fear - even at night, with a bicycle or any expensive stuff in my possession. Not even the freezing weather dishearten me to go far outside… For me, it’s some kind of ‘fable’ the fact that in Holland they use clogs (wood shoes, somewhat heavy), which could make things worse for them. They don't, though.         

merci (or à mercê?)

Well, doesn’t matter! I prefer to do the right thing.    

I’m like that: clear, transparent - couldn’t be different. I always prefer do EVERYTHING in the best way for everyone, the fairer… Sometimes, it’s not good for me, though. I’ve been suffering the consequences of choosing this truthful way. 

I hope this time can be the opposite (It is not possible that I will NEVER be rewarded for my correct acts…!).

Sometimes I wonder myself about that... Whether I am or not in the best way - for me, not for others. I am thinking over again to be more introspective, to listening more than talk. Many simply don't deserve to know the truth. They are not thanked (and prepared) for it.

ain’t an age matter

For sure NOT!

I’m Brazilian, I’m so tolerant with diferences - behavioural, cultural… whatever! It’s true that I don’t  have the patience of an oyster  with green and immature acts (of boys - specially!). However, I’m NOT an old and grumpy woman.

Despite my preferences for 40-year men, I deal with younger ones quite fine. I’m versatile, adaptable… I admit that is possible learning a lot with youth, in addition to take a ‘new energy’ shower and also re-evaluate the concepts of past. After all, I’m a open mind person, attended ("antenada"). I've always been.

By the way... Syntony(!) - I believe that this is essential for harmony in any kind of relationship (between friends, lovers, neighbours, colleagues, roommates, relatives,… doesn’t matter!). Being connected is all there is! - with or without ulterior motives.

God works in mysterious ways

In Portuguese, it is said that He writes correctly on winding lines. It’s true. Probably now, at this exact moment, we are not going to understand why some things are happening in this or that way, but someday (soon) we’ll.

How many times this happened yet? Many - I guess. After some time, the answer comes… and everything start to make sense, forming a big and complex puzzle - piece by piece, until complete our lives.

However, the landscape it will show, you can and should choose by yourself, using your free will while you are constructing it.

my own saint

For the first time in my life I can say loud and clear: I have a saint of mine. It is Saint Nicholas. In this way, he seems being not so famous, but used to be also called Santa Claus (Sinterklass in Dutch). Ok… now is easy to recognize him – after all, who doesn’t know who is the Father Christmas? – unfortunately, diffuse around the world by Coca Cola’s Christmas advertisings since 1931, which changed his look by the hands of Haddon Sundblom.

On the other hand, he is known because of his life, the good example set by him – chiefly as a result of he has done, that until nowadays serve us as a lesson, a model of charity and goodness. It is inspired in his story that I’m trying to lead my life as of now through the best way and reach the elevation of the mind to God by my good thoughts and acts. All this, in addition to visiting his house everyday – to thank him in loco for the present opportunity unique and also his help.

In my case, this prayer is individual. Nobody can do it for me… over and above most part of people simply doesn’t understand me or believe on that, or worst: not even know who he was! It happens in the best of families. In mine, everybody has yours and their rituals, so why I couldn’t have my personal one? Yes, I can… and I do! Bless me.

Amen!

forrobodó

Avoiding my twisted roots.

I’m impressed with the quantity of Brazilians in Amsterdam. Actually, sometimes some of them simply don’t seem as us (or ‘Am I an E.T.?’). I know that our country is too huge and our culture is so vast… So, is understandable that I am not like most of them (or they aren‘t like me). However, it doesn’t mean that I'm proud or agree with their behaviour.

Their limited music preferences (sertanejo, forró and pagode - the popular ones, not the classic and 'old school'), alongside the wrong way to talk (I’m sure that I can speak English better than they the correct Portuguese!) leave me upset! Not only that, but some (dispensable) little lies and excuses, as the mania to be in vantage of others, besides the excessive sexuality etc, defame and also defile our reputation abroad.

I would like to be now in touch with another people, practicing my English or trying to speak Dutch or other language, learning (about) another culture, getting its new background… I need this break and not to be living this lack (a typical “samba do crioulo doido”) .

I wish for novelty (and respect!).

burning Jones

(as Judas…)

Can you imagine being created a peculiar occasion only because of you?!

How are you going to feel yourself about that? - Important?! Well, today can be considerate 'my day' and I'm not glad about that...

Even being somewhat similar a holiday, it has not a noble intention. Occuring just in order to exalting my acts and choices, today they are trying to throw me to the wolves.

The main aim of the commemoration meeting is salt my game, cram both my style and reputation… if possible - of course. After all, others’ opinion is not an unique and doubtless truth.

Fortunately, there are people in this cruel world with a minimun of good sense of facts. Furthermore: our importance is given by other people. Thus, I reckon I'm really special and powerful. Though, I'm not going to celebrate it.

zead is dead, baby

Zead is dead...

Dammit, I'm in "trouble": my dream is over!
(It just came true...)

From now, doesn't matter anymore what happened until this exact moment... it is past. Everything changes as of now...

How will be the future?

Read about the 'scenes of the next chapters' here and you will know.

disaffection

It is something in which I’m working so hard while I’m packing my suitcases and set in order my stuffs putting it in boxes. 

“Eeny Meeny Miny Moe” - I have to hold everything on my hands, one by one, and wonder myself if it will be useful when I come back later… Chose if I’ll donate, give to a friend, box it or even take it with me there.

What is really worth to keep with me, even aloof?  - stagnant, useless. I admit I’d prefer to turn anything more useful for someone else, than let it aside for a long time.

However, I should practice more my unconcern about some mere objects that will only keep energy completely immovable, once incased. I’m trying…

Hence I swear I’m going to heaven as a result of my unpredicted goodness. I’m changing… moving (on). It is pretty good… turns anyone in a better person.

morrer na praia

(or something like: snatch defeat from the jaws of victory...)

From the beginning to the end. It was the start-spot of everything. I couldn’t forgot to visit Iemanjá in her kingdom!

It’s simply wonderful can dive into the sea, take a sun shower, saying goodbye to Rio in the best possible way: on the beach.  On the other hand, this is the exact place where some goals die… (in Portuguese means something doesn’t happens when is in the pipeline).

I’m a battle woman. I live here since 2004, overcoming all difficulties. Definitively: it is (and will be) NOT my case, even being tired and a little depressed due to a hard and painful 2010.

Offer and protection for a much better 2011. Thanks, inclusively by all mistakes… (that happen, and became me even stronger)

Salve, salve!

later... when?

It seems the ending of the year, when everything we haven’t already done , will be transferred for the next one! The context is another, though. Then, I really don‘t know if it will make any sense everything left behind.

Interesting: some things are only important according the place (and the time) it is occurring. Well, I hope from now acquire many others (to everything be part of the past….).

New resolutions, please!

gut feeling

I’m trying not to think about it and not to be evident that I’m nervous. The little butterflies inside me (flying in my stomach) don’t leave me sleep, or eat, nor grow my nails!

Changes are wide steps, difficult to be taken - important, though. Now is time to risk. From now, it’s impossible to come back (and this is NOT the aim!)

Take it easy! Go ahead. No fear.

an old home life versus a new one

I enjoy my life style as well as my household utensils. Every single thing I have bought until now represents I succeed. I’ve been investing in it since I moved to Rio.

Sincerely, I’m confused because I’m quite cleaved with it. Nevertheless, I know I’m getting everything again soon, in another place. Furthermore, probably, (much more) things even better.

I’m pretty happy due to this possibility.

cleaning the house up

Seven years after arriving in Rio, and this itch (proper after this run) indicates that my moment asks to ending that cycle. As a rule, many people pass through this period of difficulties - some cross it over, while other decide to change their way.

(definitely, I’ve been the second type!)

It’s a decisive time - doubtless. It’s favourable to decide what will be really valid for me in the future, everything that I want to keep belonging to me later. Then, what is not useful, is better throw it away, leave it behind.

I’m literally cleaning the house, my place, my body… everything around me mainly to release space for new energies come. It’s a “simple” matter of choise. Now or never.

supporting basis

So much emotion, many things to solve, every little detail…. At this time, some help is essential to keep my foots on the ground.

My mother, both my best friend and my fan number one, is essential at this moment. She is someone who I can not only trust but count on - always.

I'm just thanking about that because for sure I'm a very lucky daughter.

After all, it is impossible to live alone.

my life in a box

(not only one, but some… and suitcases, inclusively!)

I’m packing myself…

I could say I’m am 'in box' period of my life - strange and new. However, it is (at least) an optimistic time. Changes are good to make things better - not only which is going through a bad way, but something that is ok too (after all, everything could be improved a little!).

Classifying things by its importance and usefulness is an interesting exercise that I did only twice (and I hope it will be not necessary many more times…) Due to this break’s mean, it’s is also a sad time of memories and laments.

For sure I’m going to pack these unhappy feelings, hence don’t remain any space for it.

My moment is different, unique… I'm at my moving-hour.

Hey, ho, let’s go! Bon voyage.

california of mine

I think one of the best anniversary gifts I received (actually the most expressive, which I will never forget!) not only this year, but in my whole life, was my father's one. Asked for, he gave me his 'top ten list' of Rio Grande do Sul's Music (called there “Gaudéria” aswell), including latin songs from our hermanos.

This is our reality - for who doesn’t know us and also our culture: we are joined to them over and above borders. Unfortunately we only can’t speak the same language - in fact not EXACTLY… since, there, we are used to speak a kind of castellano, or a “portunhol” due to the proximity to them.

As a consequence to have been given to me, it is my list now! I was deeply touched when I read his email sent to me, not only owing to my birthday, whereas it is something related with my roots too. Obviously, I've approved it - as much, then I am obligated to post here! Thus, let’s see:

1 - Cordas de Espinho, from Luiz Coronel (who were my father’s college professor). Became famous the version recorded by Fafá de Belém;

2 - Guri, from Cesar Passarinho;

3 - Canto Alegretense, from Antonio Augusto Fagundes (Nico Fagundes) and Bagre Fagundes;

4 - Pedi ao Vento, from Os Monarcas (actual);

5 - Orelhano, from Eleu da Slva (doctor from Rosário do Sul), recorded by the argentine singer Dante Ramon Ledesma;

6 - Romance na Tafona, from Luiz Carlos Borges;

7 - Los Hermanos, argentine, recorded by Mercedes Sosa. However, the best version is Elis Regina’s one;

8 - El Condor Pasa, icon of Chilen’s music and latin american folklore;

9 - Céu, Sol, Sul, from Leonardo;

10 - Sabe Moço, from Leopoldo Rassier, of “Não Podemo se Entregá Pros Home” (a protest song).

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, this is my musical theme of my cultural roots and traditions. What is yours?

'luba' way in them!

It’s extremely important knowing who REALLY we are… our roots.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

I was going out... After a few minutes, suddenly, a figure called my attention to it, walking by my side. It was the guy I’d just meet.

- Could I escort you?
- Of course!

Then, I took off both of my headphones (or would be ‘earphones‘?). However, I said it without being sure.

- Are you Vanessa’s sister, aren’t you?

Whether coincidence or not, I started to think that conversation could be interesting.

- My name is Stevens. Sorry, I really thought you were Vanessa’s sister.
- No problem because I AM Vanessa.
- … Really?!
- Yes, I am. Could I ask you something?
- For sure.
- Are you from Africa? Aren't you?

Due to his black skin and his strong French accent, I was right that he was African.

- Yes, from Democratic Republic of the Congo.

At this very moment, I knew I’d have at least two more question to ask him.

Being Africa divided inappropriately during its colonization, to know him better, I should be more specific, more intense and cultured.

- But… Which tribe is yours?

So, he stopped to walk and look at me with watered eyes. I knew that had been strong for him...

- Abroad, NEVER, NOBODY asked me this before you! You're special for being aware about it… I’m originally from Luba.

Ready. I've already knew much more about him.

Although more important, this wasn’t the first thing I asked him:

- Do you support Mazembe (the 'Almight')?

Of course I would like to know that!

He laught gently.

Yes… he bit me.

Africans don’t fiddle about.

                                                         

 négre savoir faire

By the way, sex included.

I’m worried about the disparity between Africans and Europeans behavior, their sexual approach. While the firsts are quick-fire, I stand in fear of the others... maybe they fall behind blackmen in this aspect.

Is it possible even being the nordic giants? Oh, God… please, no!

happy me!

“Happy birthday!”; “Cheers!”; “success”; “fun“; “health”; “peace”; “love”; “fortune”; “sex”… “All the best!”; “the good things in life” or “the best ones”. Could be (“only” and) exactly what I often wish for other people on their birthdays, and I’d be the same way satisfied: 

Joys, accomplishments and good luck! - my three wishes are precisely those.

I’m so glad and thankful for all felicitations.

My new year starts now. Voilà!

chef de moi-même

Besides lots of kind words from my friends and relatives, an email received were a special gift for me because of its meaning:

From Alexandre Barreto, who cites a period of Alex Atala’s book - Com unha, dentes & cuca:

(...) Quero que as pessoas comecem a pensar antes de cozinhar e não tenham medo de errar, pois elas vão passar a ser bons cozinheiros na hora em que o erro fizer parte de suas vidas. Se o acerto faz parte da sua cozinha, o erro também tem de fazer. Cozinhar é praticar, e prática também implica em erro. Temos de perder o medo de fazer bobagem, de falar bobagem.

I answered that I’ll do many things wrong trying to settle for. Living is like that: a draft made by courage and creativity.

I’m driving my life to the right way, even taking sometimes the mistaken side.

nobody said that would be easy

Ok, but I don’t understand why the process is SO difficult... Sometimes, seems that it isn’t up to me my own future. Such is life.

I want only one thing and I wonder if is impossible OR just if it isn’t for me. Maybe now, and this is a "simple" way to notify me. Happens...  or not. I wish so, though. 

If it wont be now, I'll get it after - sooner or later. Everything will come out right in the end. God's will be done. Bless me!

worthless

(or maybe halfpenny... whatever!)

Of course EVERYTHING in this cruel life has yours worth... Although, sometimes a lot of it are “simply” (and unfortunally) forgoten, missed. I've been wondering myself why (happens in this way), but the response aren't so clear, easy to understand and consenting.

Farther on, the main point to analyse is the magnitude of our value. How much considerable people are for other ones? Are they giving us the real importance we deserve?

I was worried until realized that I don’t deserve THIS valuation by who doesn‘t care about me, my life, my dreams and soul. By the way... WHO are they to judge or determinate something about me or anybody else? (or THINK they are...?)

It isn’t so rare think about that... Probably, when I’ll have done something interesting for them, they’ll ponder their concepts - too late, but they‘ll!

Who has been forgoten, doesn’t forget.

the blame goes to...

Already regarded as the greatest natural disaster in Brazil, the landslides in the mountainous region of Rio de Janeiro leave the whole country in mourning. Hundreds died, thousands injured, many others are homeless and many are still missing ...

Bad luck, but, again, was not just blame nature. The people, governments ignore dangers and controI (or let construct) in places unfit for habitation. More than three cities were devastated by the flood, which was more like a tsunami.

Is fair that lots of people had to be gone just for everybody understand once and for all that changes are necessary? And fast! - right now. No is the answer - unfortunally.

                                                          

On the other hand, congratulations for the initiative of city government of Areal, where he was raised a warning sound system that warned citizens to evacuate homes in risk locations and go to safe places on time. The mayor of the small town, Laertes Calil Freitas, was newsworthy worldwide. 

The idea is great and works (ok - no one dead there!), but people MUST obey the request for the good of all. Smart Areal citizens! Another blessed ones, are people who is helping voluntarily the victms.

maktub

It’s impressing how things could be predicted. Maybe it could happen slowly… but it will! By the way, ‘patient’ is the main word of my current life.

I can say that I’ve passed just waiting for my future. I’ve been putting things in order to, then, move on.  

Any change, lots of feelings, everything is connected (likewise written on stars!). Nothing is by chance (even the itching that consumes me intensively).

It's almost impossible to avoid my destiny. By the way: where am I going?

Let’s see… (tickets bought, though)